Furni-licious, Definition, Make Them Boys Go Loco

I think I may have reached a low point in my life the moment that I googled “lyrics to fergalicious.”

It got even lower when I came up with the title of this post.

It’s of no consequence now. Because I need me some furniture, y’all.

For weeks on end I have prowled around Craigslist (not like that), searching for a beam of light in the darkness that is lumpy cushions and scratched-up particle board monstrosities someone called coffee tables. You see, every piece of furniture that is in our house (except the new bed) is hand-me-down or borrowed. Logan’s dresser is technically “his” since he’s had it since he was a kid, and he has a plaid loveseat in storage that he used in his bachelor apartment, but that’s it.

I know that we are young, and I don’t expect to get a bunch of brand-new stuff, but I would like to get a few pieces that are actually our style (and actually “ours”). Hence the Craigslist search.

I found these beauties a few days ago, and I’m trying to get together with the guy to go look at them:

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Aren’t they gorgeous? And not breaking the bank, either. If he doesn’t read my desperation, I may even be able to talk down the price.

What I am NOT looking for in a couch is this:

You can call me picky all you want, but I will not purchase a couch that looks like fat rolls. I don’t need any more reminders of what using this item too often will do to me.

I’ve also been looking at coffee tables, tv stands, side tables, bookshelves and dressers. We seriously need some more dresser drawers, maybe in the form of this awesome mid-century modern one:

Of course I can’t buy all these things right now, but I figure I’ll look around for a good deal and slowly build up our collection with some pieces we like. However, this “casual browsing” on Craigslist is killing me. Half the time I’m just too lazy to actually go to a stranger’s house and deal with the stress of worrying I’ll get a chloroform surprise in a dirty hankerchief. Also, as I peruse the postings, scrolling down the page and occasionally clicking on things, all of a sudden I am bombarded with things like this:

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house hold goods – $50

house hold furniture, toys baby boa constuctor snakes with habitat and heating lamp. please call and ask for marisa a t ***-***-**** between the hours of 4.p-6P 

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I love the way she nonchalantly mentions the extremely long and frightening snakes under “household goods.” Have they become that mainstream? “Oh, by the way, I’m having a garage sale with some general household items. There will be clothes, books, and rabid honey badgers for sale.” And these are no ordinary snakes–they’re boa constructors. They will build you new furniture so you don’t have to get on Craigslist anymore.

I kind of want to cut out the snake-handling middleman and just go to some rich people’s garage sales in Dallas.

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